time

It's just time: these years of limbo, waiting for a job, waiting for school, projecting future plans three years ahead and writing them on paper as if they might suddenly become reality once the ink dried and no waiting was necessary for the career plans to develop or a counseling practice or studio to take shape.

Sometimes, thinking about these visions in comparison to others--the "I'll just get some hourly job" hurumph--it seems as if they are merely figments, bits of writing on a calendar to be torn up, blown away by my own hot air or the gusts of a changing attitude instead of real, serious, very substantial and meaningful dreams upon which I base my current plans that will take me away from limbo. Oh, a girl loves to be rescued.

But through all of these thoughts and dreams, time is the only real plaything--real or imagined. There is no guarantee of three years from now, no counseling practice or studio or hourly job. There is no limbo, even. There is only time--now. And then, it's a matter of acceptance.