I've been MIA the past few weeks wrapping up the finishing touches on my internship/part time work. But that doesn't mean things aren't happening. In fact, just like in real life, sometimes that silence means a lot is happening but isn't getting talked about.
Starting with the end of spring term, I have been very intentional about making the most of this summer since I won't be working a "real job." I'm not sure if this summer is my last of those endless months away from school that we dream about as children (and, who are we kidding, as adults), but if it is, I want it to be a time to heal from spring's schedule hell and prepare for the final push of my master's work. Making this time meaningful includes: going to the Caymans (so excited! leaving Friday!); spending time with B (maybe you'll get a whole post on that), friends and family; reading up on therapeutic interventions and coming up with a sort of tool kit for internship; lots of yoga; juicing/smoothie-ing; 8+ hours of sleep a night! Oh, summer!
In the middle of doing all of these wonderful things, I wonder if I will get bored. I find myself also feeling a tad guilty that I'm having THE MOST AWESOME SUMMER EVER. ...and then I slap myself.
Today is my last day of official work until August! And since most of my work is done, I want to share some inspirational things (at least to me) that I've been reading and watching.
"The Secret Power of Saying 'I Love You'"
HBO's documentary "The Weight of the Nation" (4 parts. Definitely charged and informative. Sort of makes me want to go for a run.)
Life Reports (inspired by reading Marina Keegan's piece for Yale's 2012 graduation and which ended up being a poignant tribute to her own life).
And a speech by Ray Bradbury
A lot of these are very touching and maybe not what you'd characterize as soaring-eagle-in-the-sunset-inspirational...but I can't help being an existentialist at heart. Tell me what you think!
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Thursday, 17 May 2012
Balancing Act
A lot of times I find myself wishing for more time to do the things I know bring me into balance. You know, that state of being totally centered and peaceful and well rested, ready to brighten the world with a spirit of possibility and generosity one might be able (if they look close enough) to see behind my eyeballs and touch in my wake. That state, if I've felt it at all, comes only once in a while.
Right now is one of those times when I have more time. Since I have this luxury (and really, it is such a luxury after dealing with weird sleep patterns, some minor health problems, and a persistent left eye twitch), I've been able to go home and visit my family more in Raleigh, refocus on my yoga practice, and plan lots of fun adventures. Yesterday, I even did "a double" in yoga (ie. two ninety minute classes in the hot room in one day!). I also got ten hours of sleep (omfg). And I flossed (no, I don't do that regularly, but I'm not shoulding myself about it).
Even with my best intentions for getting back to center, it wouldn't be all yin and yang if I didn't (intentionally or unintentionally, I'm not sure), drink a few beers after yoga, sleepy eat before bed (yeah, I do that), and wake up after a few hours only to end up searching for new iPhone cases on Amazon until my alarm went off.
Some days you brush your teeth and floss; others, you just have to have the giant chocolate chip cookie, eat a load of Swedish fish, and drink a few beers. Sometimes these things happen on the same day. That's just how it goes. And telling you I do otherwise would be false.
Here's the other thing: As much as I crave balance and clarity and doing all the Right Things (especially when it comes to health), the bottom line is that 1) I don't do all the Right Things...and I'm not going to; 2) I actually kind of like getting a little crazy. Against the backdrop of Crazy, Balance becomes more meaningful; 3) Sometimes, I use balance as a word to replace whatever word it is that means "I'm too afraid to go to the edge and then jump into possibility without fear." Instead of saying, "I'm using this time to get back to balance," it's probably more true to say, "I've been stretched too far and I'm working my way back to my comfort zone."
On the relationship front, I've been thinking about balance and comfort. You see, I've never really been that comfortable letting someone into my life even in some serious relationships...I think I fear being abandoned or not wanted at some level (don't ask me why or how--I don't know), so I try to maintain a ferocious amount of independence that usually sets a precedent and then I wonder why I'm not getting the affection I want. I often ask, "Can I be myself/independent/authentic in a relationship in which I am trying to care for the other person just as much as myself? Can I trust that this other person will care just as much for me as I do him? Can there really be balance?"
Instead of questioning it, I need to start saying, "Yes. Yes. Yes." Stop worrying so much about it, and chances are, things will work themselves out.
Something that stuck with me recently goes like this: If you're going to love, love deeply. In the end, if you're going to get hurt, whether a little or a lot, it's still going to hurt, so you may as well go for the good stuff. And then, there's the reassurance that nothing good gets away. The same goes for anything else worth having.
So, walking to the edge we go. Getting out of the comfort zone. Seeking balance. Trusting the process.
Right now is one of those times when I have more time. Since I have this luxury (and really, it is such a luxury after dealing with weird sleep patterns, some minor health problems, and a persistent left eye twitch), I've been able to go home and visit my family more in Raleigh, refocus on my yoga practice, and plan lots of fun adventures. Yesterday, I even did "a double" in yoga (ie. two ninety minute classes in the hot room in one day!). I also got ten hours of sleep (omfg). And I flossed (no, I don't do that regularly, but I'm not shoulding myself about it).
Even with my best intentions for getting back to center, it wouldn't be all yin and yang if I didn't (intentionally or unintentionally, I'm not sure), drink a few beers after yoga, sleepy eat before bed (yeah, I do that), and wake up after a few hours only to end up searching for new iPhone cases on Amazon until my alarm went off.
Some days you brush your teeth and floss; others, you just have to have the giant chocolate chip cookie, eat a load of Swedish fish, and drink a few beers. Sometimes these things happen on the same day. That's just how it goes. And telling you I do otherwise would be false.
Here's the other thing: As much as I crave balance and clarity and doing all the Right Things (especially when it comes to health), the bottom line is that 1) I don't do all the Right Things...and I'm not going to; 2) I actually kind of like getting a little crazy. Against the backdrop of Crazy, Balance becomes more meaningful; 3) Sometimes, I use balance as a word to replace whatever word it is that means "I'm too afraid to go to the edge and then jump into possibility without fear." Instead of saying, "I'm using this time to get back to balance," it's probably more true to say, "I've been stretched too far and I'm working my way back to my comfort zone."
On the relationship front, I've been thinking about balance and comfort. You see, I've never really been that comfortable letting someone into my life even in some serious relationships...I think I fear being abandoned or not wanted at some level (don't ask me why or how--I don't know), so I try to maintain a ferocious amount of independence that usually sets a precedent and then I wonder why I'm not getting the affection I want. I often ask, "Can I be myself/independent/authentic in a relationship in which I am trying to care for the other person just as much as myself? Can I trust that this other person will care just as much for me as I do him? Can there really be balance?"
Instead of questioning it, I need to start saying, "Yes. Yes. Yes." Stop worrying so much about it, and chances are, things will work themselves out.
Something that stuck with me recently goes like this: If you're going to love, love deeply. In the end, if you're going to get hurt, whether a little or a lot, it's still going to hurt, so you may as well go for the good stuff. And then, there's the reassurance that nothing good gets away. The same goes for anything else worth having.
So, walking to the edge we go. Getting out of the comfort zone. Seeking balance. Trusting the process.
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Things
What kinds of things do you remember about certain people? Your grandmother? Dad? Uncle? Sister? There are certain things that we remember the people in our lives by. I always wonder how we're attached to (or repulsed by) varying objects or actions that hold a special significance or memory of someone. Here are some of my memories:
I went to a friend's house last week and used her family's Juice-o-mat to squeeze limes for our rhubarbaritas. I'd never seen one of these contraptions, but it was so easy to use and a definite workhorse for squeezing citrus. She told me it was her husband's mother's from ages ago when she made them fresh squeezed orange juice for breakfast. Another memory.
So I went looking on eBay for it and found one. Now to get into bidding! It's stuff like this that really makes me wonder what kinds of things I do or have in my own family that I'll be remembered by.
I always remember my grandmother coming to visit and unloading our dishwasher quietly before anyone was out of bed in the morning. And she would always ask, first thing, what we wanted for breakfast after giving hugs.
My great-grandmother always had new dresses with the Belk price tags laying on her guest bed. She never wore them.
My dad taught me how to vacuum the "right way" and would pretend to screen calls from my "agent," Rex, when I played movie star with a homemade cardboard cell phone with a Capri Sun straw antenna.
I went to a friend's house last week and used her family's Juice-o-mat to squeeze limes for our rhubarbaritas. I'd never seen one of these contraptions, but it was so easy to use and a definite workhorse for squeezing citrus. She told me it was her husband's mother's from ages ago when she made them fresh squeezed orange juice for breakfast. Another memory.
 |
| Drink up! |
So I went looking on eBay for it and found one. Now to get into bidding! It's stuff like this that really makes me wonder what kinds of things I do or have in my own family that I'll be remembered by.
 |
| The Juice-o-mat! |
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
Winning and Losing
Recently, a friend of mine told me about the five year-old she babysits and how he taught her to play chess. She described how he led her patiently through the names of the pieces, the way to move across the board, and all the other nuances of chess he knew in his wise five years. And then they played. And he won. But instead of celebrating his victory over his babysitter all he said was, "There are no winners or losers. The game just ended."
Yesterday, North Carolina voted to pass Amendment One, the newest revision to our state constitution. In politics, like chess, there are myriad complexities and moves that determine who might be the winner or loser. Because of this new amendment, I sense that there may be a number of people who do truly lose that for which they fight so vigilantly. But thinking about this story makes me hopeful that this game we're playing of morals and tradition and right and wrong isn't a moment to cheer over a win or give up in defeat--it just ended. Perhaps, maybe not now, maybe later, there won't be any winners or losers. Maybe we'll be able to figure out a way to start a new kind of game called compromise where the rules are simple: grow understanding. However, I have no doubt that yesterday's election is just the beginning of a long, complicated road.
It is suffocating to look at most social media about the amendment and read complaints about who is right or wrong, or about how backwards we are as a state, a reason to pack up and leave. If anything, the results of this election are not a reason to move, but a justification for staying here during this incredible time in our history. I'm proud of the people who did their research and voted against the amendment. For those who voted for it--well, there's a lot of educating to be done, I guess. Instead of fighting, though, I urge you to grow pockets of love where you find them and share that with others. Focusing on the negative breeds negativity; finding and sharing the positive only attracts more of it.
The "Writer's Almanac" poem for today seems fitting as we look inward and outward at what's to come, so I share it here.
To pray you open your whole self
To sky, to earth, to sun, to moon
To one whole voice that is you.
And know there is more
That you can't see, can't hear
Can't know except in moments
Steadily growing, and in languages
That aren't always sound but other
Circles of motion.
Like eagle that Sunday morning
Over Salt River. Circled in blue sky
In wind, swept our hearts clean
With sacred wings.
We see you, see ourselves and know
That we must take the utmost care
And kindness in all things.
Breathe in, knowing we are made of
All this, and breathe, knowing
We are truly blessed because we
Were born, and die soon, within a
True circle of motion,
Like eagle rounding out the morning
Inside us.
We pray that it will be done
In beauty.
In beauty.
Yesterday, North Carolina voted to pass Amendment One, the newest revision to our state constitution. In politics, like chess, there are myriad complexities and moves that determine who might be the winner or loser. Because of this new amendment, I sense that there may be a number of people who do truly lose that for which they fight so vigilantly. But thinking about this story makes me hopeful that this game we're playing of morals and tradition and right and wrong isn't a moment to cheer over a win or give up in defeat--it just ended. Perhaps, maybe not now, maybe later, there won't be any winners or losers. Maybe we'll be able to figure out a way to start a new kind of game called compromise where the rules are simple: grow understanding. However, I have no doubt that yesterday's election is just the beginning of a long, complicated road.
It is suffocating to look at most social media about the amendment and read complaints about who is right or wrong, or about how backwards we are as a state, a reason to pack up and leave. If anything, the results of this election are not a reason to move, but a justification for staying here during this incredible time in our history. I'm proud of the people who did their research and voted against the amendment. For those who voted for it--well, there's a lot of educating to be done, I guess. Instead of fighting, though, I urge you to grow pockets of love where you find them and share that with others. Focusing on the negative breeds negativity; finding and sharing the positive only attracts more of it.
The "Writer's Almanac" poem for today seems fitting as we look inward and outward at what's to come, so I share it here.
Eagle Poem by Joy Harjo
To sky, to earth, to sun, to moon
To one whole voice that is you.
And know there is more
That you can't see, can't hear
Can't know except in moments
Steadily growing, and in languages
That aren't always sound but other
Circles of motion.
Like eagle that Sunday morning
Over Salt River. Circled in blue sky
In wind, swept our hearts clean
With sacred wings.
We see you, see ourselves and know
That we must take the utmost care
And kindness in all things.
Breathe in, knowing we are made of
All this, and breathe, knowing
We are truly blessed because we
Were born, and die soon, within a
True circle of motion,
Like eagle rounding out the morning
Inside us.
We pray that it will be done
In beauty.
In beauty.
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
An Important Day
For North Carolinians (and I'd say many people in the U.S.), today marks an important time in our history. Today, people are voting on Amendment One--what some are calling the "marriage amendment"--that would strip gay couples' ability to marry, and interferes with legal protections for unmarried couples and their children as well as unmarried women and older adults. Find out how.
North Carolina already has a law against gay marriage, and this poorly written constitutional amendment is merely a bold, brazen statement of bigotry and discrimination against another minority group. And, I suppose, what can be seen as the most disappointing aspect of this prejudice is the negative publicity North Carolina receives as being yet another backward Bible Belt state (well, at least by folks who might lean left). On the other hand, the national attention this topic grabs--and the numbers of people voting against this amendment at the polls--can send an equally strong message that people in our state care about the well being of ALL citizens who live here.
In my mind, it's one thing to make a statement against gay marriage affecting adults (a very poorly constructed statement, mind you), and quite another to take away the limited rights of our most vulnerable population: children. This amendment affects their healthcare coverage, the protection of visitation rights, and custody by a committed parent they love.
I also find it infuriating that this amendment could also harm unmarried women by taking away domestic violence protections. As someone who falls into this category, and whose reproductive rights are also being slashed away at by state and national (majority male) political figures, I am incensed by the direction our "moral" compass points at this moment. What the hell happened to women's rights? Civil rights? Have we forgotten our history? Have we become so removed from ourselves and our communities that we are numb to the repercussions of our state and national "leadership"?
OK.
Today is a big day. So I voted. Actually, I drove to Raleigh last night, slept for five hours, voted, and drove back to Greensboro in time for work at 8 a.m. And I got to vote with my mom, which was even more special since she's someone who has always taught me to stand up for myself in situations like this one. And no, I haven't been brought up on bra-burning feminism, just a good old fashioned sense of justice, fairness, and love. And that is why this is important.
North Carolina already has a law against gay marriage, and this poorly written constitutional amendment is merely a bold, brazen statement of bigotry and discrimination against another minority group. And, I suppose, what can be seen as the most disappointing aspect of this prejudice is the negative publicity North Carolina receives as being yet another backward Bible Belt state (well, at least by folks who might lean left). On the other hand, the national attention this topic grabs--and the numbers of people voting against this amendment at the polls--can send an equally strong message that people in our state care about the well being of ALL citizens who live here.
In my mind, it's one thing to make a statement against gay marriage affecting adults (a very poorly constructed statement, mind you), and quite another to take away the limited rights of our most vulnerable population: children. This amendment affects their healthcare coverage, the protection of visitation rights, and custody by a committed parent they love.
I also find it infuriating that this amendment could also harm unmarried women by taking away domestic violence protections. As someone who falls into this category, and whose reproductive rights are also being slashed away at by state and national (majority male) political figures, I am incensed by the direction our "moral" compass points at this moment. What the hell happened to women's rights? Civil rights? Have we forgotten our history? Have we become so removed from ourselves and our communities that we are numb to the repercussions of our state and national "leadership"?
OK.
Today is a big day. So I voted. Actually, I drove to Raleigh last night, slept for five hours, voted, and drove back to Greensboro in time for work at 8 a.m. And I got to vote with my mom, which was even more special since she's someone who has always taught me to stand up for myself in situations like this one. And no, I haven't been brought up on bra-burning feminism, just a good old fashioned sense of justice, fairness, and love. And that is why this is important.
 |
| We voted AGAINST! |
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Whole-Heartedness and an Email
How much do you like TED Talks? (Yes, that's a leading question).
Recently, my friend Nicole told me about a particular talk called "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown. Her talk underscores the fact that humans need love and connection. A lot of what prevents us from feeling love and connection are feelings of shame--the sense of "I'm not ____ enough." On the other hand, when people have love and connection they believe they are worthy, that they are "enough," regardless of others' impressions. These people are what she calls whole-hearted, and whole-heartedness comes from the courage to be imperfect, to practice compassion with themselves and then others, and to be authentic.
Now here's where she gets me:
"The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental."
So, I'll tell you a (not so) secret: I'm dating someone new. And I really like him. I like like him. And it's sort of scaring me shitless. But it's also exciting and marvelous and draws me to checking my inbox for his quirky emails and wanting to plan weekend visits and imagine doing all sorts of fun things quite possibly past next weekend and the next and the next. And it's requiring me to be vulnerable. To be, in Brene's words, willing to "do something where there are no guarantees" and "invest in a relationship that may or may not work out."
And that requires patience and presence. The ability to live in joy in the moment and not worry too much about those future weekends and be grateful for what IS. NOW.
Today, I sent him an email. Innocent really. But I included two tiny letters that I've never closed an email to him with: xo. How do I feel? Vulnerable. I'm not sure how he's going to receive this text (or even acknowledge it if at all) given that neither one of us has been particularly lovey in our messages. X. Kiss. O. Hug. Simple, right? Not "I love you," but it's also not the usual banter. I'm putting it out there: I care for you. I enjoy you. I like like you.
I clicked "send" before I gave myself too much time to reconsider because one part of me thinks, "Well, if he's not into it, then it's better to know now than later...and then I won't get as hurt. Right?" And the other part is, "Fuck it. What makes me vulnerable makes me beautiful. (Good quote, Bren)." And then the tiniest part says, "Kate, you are enough. Stop worrying. Live now. Trust the process." (That's the part, the little seed inside, that I must water the most). ...I need to log out of my email.
I aim to be whole-hearted. To have courage. And now that my heart feels so light and bursting, it's time to embrace all aspects of being vulnerable in this new space. Because if I'm not in that space I'm numb, and I'd much prefer to be able to tell you that I'm almost scared shitless than to say I don't feel anything at all. I am enough.
Let's just hope he replies soon.
Recently, my friend Nicole told me about a particular talk called "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown. Her talk underscores the fact that humans need love and connection. A lot of what prevents us from feeling love and connection are feelings of shame--the sense of "I'm not ____ enough." On the other hand, when people have love and connection they believe they are worthy, that they are "enough," regardless of others' impressions. These people are what she calls whole-hearted, and whole-heartedness comes from the courage to be imperfect, to practice compassion with themselves and then others, and to be authentic.
Now here's where she gets me:
"The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental."
So, I'll tell you a (not so) secret: I'm dating someone new. And I really like him. I like like him. And it's sort of scaring me shitless. But it's also exciting and marvelous and draws me to checking my inbox for his quirky emails and wanting to plan weekend visits and imagine doing all sorts of fun things quite possibly past next weekend and the next and the next. And it's requiring me to be vulnerable. To be, in Brene's words, willing to "do something where there are no guarantees" and "invest in a relationship that may or may not work out."
And that requires patience and presence. The ability to live in joy in the moment and not worry too much about those future weekends and be grateful for what IS. NOW.
Today, I sent him an email. Innocent really. But I included two tiny letters that I've never closed an email to him with: xo. How do I feel? Vulnerable. I'm not sure how he's going to receive this text (or even acknowledge it if at all) given that neither one of us has been particularly lovey in our messages. X. Kiss. O. Hug. Simple, right? Not "I love you," but it's also not the usual banter. I'm putting it out there: I care for you. I enjoy you. I like like you.
I clicked "send" before I gave myself too much time to reconsider because one part of me thinks, "Well, if he's not into it, then it's better to know now than later...and then I won't get as hurt. Right?" And the other part is, "Fuck it. What makes me vulnerable makes me beautiful. (Good quote, Bren)." And then the tiniest part says, "Kate, you are enough. Stop worrying. Live now. Trust the process." (That's the part, the little seed inside, that I must water the most). ...I need to log out of my email.
I aim to be whole-hearted. To have courage. And now that my heart feels so light and bursting, it's time to embrace all aspects of being vulnerable in this new space. Because if I'm not in that space I'm numb, and I'd much prefer to be able to tell you that I'm almost scared shitless than to say I don't feel anything at all. I am enough.
Let's just hope he replies soon.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
I can't think of a title!
so I'm sharing music instead. This remix of Nora Jones' song, "After the Fall," is really great. There's another remix by David Sitek of Nora's song, "She's 22," that's also worth checking out. Usually, I'm not too crazy about remixes, but this one sounds worth coming back to.
Monday, 23 April 2012
It is
Right now there is a feeling of newness about everything. A sense of possibility. And I can't sleep because of it! On the one hand, not being able to go to bed at a reasonable hour or waking with a sense of urgency and restlessness could be a real bummer. On the other, wanting to wake up because I'm excited to be alive and ready for a new day is pretty damn energizing. I don't know many people who do that. Well, maybe some...but they're either naturally frighteningly optimistic or on medication.
After a mini sabbatical, I've finally been able to clear my evenings and drag myself into yoga a few days a week. Yeah, so I'm being dramatic, but getting ready for class and stepping into the hot room is the hardest part of my practice. I just have to remind myself that this practice is better than Prozac and, though I may not want to go, I never regret going. Plus, I'm there to circumvent what my friend Kate calls TAPS, or fondly known as Tight Angry Person Syndrome.
Also: School is almost done! Whole Foods opened in Greensboro! I have a summer job! I'm going to the Cayman Brac for 17 days in June! Lots of hanging out with new and old friends! Weekend trips! Forays into (I need to have already seen these) movie watching! Learning Spanish! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!do you see why sleep is hard?!?!?!?!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Further, worth mentioning is something new that I've been trying to bring in a lot of good energy. The first is doing daily affirmations and the second is keeping a brief gratitude list. Both are great for shifting perspective and refocusing on what's most important. I'm also trying to quiet my inner critic by replacing the I should's or I'm not ______ enough's with the notion that things are perfect just the way they are at any given moment. It's liberating. (Especially for those of you who are recovering perfectionists like me). And while I haven't completely conditioned myself to be the eternal optimist and am not terribly fond of the saying, "It's all good," it is good. Even when it's not. It just is.
And now for a brief internet roundup!
For any of you who have always wanted to dress up your boyfriend like your favorite nerd.
I'm into these boots for guys. Or Red Wings. Le sigh.
This makes starting a compost pile much more accessible.
Did any of you read "Highlights"? (My mom subscribed for years when we were little).
Also: School is almost done! Whole Foods opened in Greensboro! I have a summer job! I'm going to the Cayman Brac for 17 days in June! Lots of hanging out with new and old friends! Weekend trips! Forays into (I need to have already seen these) movie watching! Learning Spanish! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!do you see why sleep is hard?!?!?!?!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
 |
| Gram's view on Cayman Brac |
Further, worth mentioning is something new that I've been trying to bring in a lot of good energy. The first is doing daily affirmations and the second is keeping a brief gratitude list. Both are great for shifting perspective and refocusing on what's most important. I'm also trying to quiet my inner critic by replacing the I should's or I'm not ______ enough's with the notion that things are perfect just the way they are at any given moment. It's liberating. (Especially for those of you who are recovering perfectionists like me). And while I haven't completely conditioned myself to be the eternal optimist and am not terribly fond of the saying, "It's all good," it is good. Even when it's not. It just is.
And now for a brief internet roundup!
For any of you who have always wanted to dress up your boyfriend like your favorite nerd.
I'm into these boots for guys. Or Red Wings. Le sigh.
This makes starting a compost pile much more accessible.
Did any of you read "Highlights"? (My mom subscribed for years when we were little).
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Curate v. /ˈkyo͝oˌrāt/
to select, organize, and present (suitable content, typically for online or computational use): nearly every major news organization is using Twitter’s new lists feature to curate tweets about the earthquake (as adjective curated) a curated alternative to the world’s most popular video portal
I've never used the word curate like this before but it makes perfect sense to describe the process of managing and organizing internet content, which can be so overwhelming. Really, there has to be a better way of keeping track of things...you should see my Google reader...truly awful. Whatever. I am bedazzled by the amount of information available online--sometimes the knowledge gaining excitement meter goes through the roof!
Today, I'm going to begin (or try) curating some sites I like. (This list is probably going to grow). Here goes:
Cracked
Radiolab
Wired - Frontal Cortex
Sound Opinions
Design Scouting
We Are Hunted
The Writer's Almanac
And I found the blog by Mara Wilson (ie. Matilda--remember her?!)
Don't forget the daily Yahoo! Shine horoscope.
And a song:
Today, I'm going to begin (or try) curating some sites I like. (This list is probably going to grow). Here goes:
Cracked
Radiolab
Wired - Frontal Cortex
Sound Opinions
Design Scouting
We Are Hunted
The Writer's Almanac
And I found the blog by Mara Wilson (ie. Matilda--remember her?!)
Don't forget the daily Yahoo! Shine horoscope.
And a song:
Monday, 26 March 2012
How's your love life?
I had the.best.time. in Raleigh this weekend. Being with my girlfriends from college affirms that in life it is so important to have a strong core of support, which thankfully, I've found in all stages of my life so far.
Today, I found an article that brings up something I've always wondered about: being single by choice. How come we choose so often to be in relationships when they can make us so miserable? On the other hand, is there added meaning and satisfaction romantic relationships bring that single people couldn't get out of other relationships, hobbies, civic engagement, and other single-y things?
Part of me wants to be with someone, but it's also scary uncovering all of your vulnerabilities and dealing with the kinds of things you don't really fantasize about when missing companionship, everything from method of loading the dishwasher to leaving or not leaving the door open when peeing (a point of contention with many I imagine).
What do you think?
Today, I found an article that brings up something I've always wondered about: being single by choice. How come we choose so often to be in relationships when they can make us so miserable? On the other hand, is there added meaning and satisfaction romantic relationships bring that single people couldn't get out of other relationships, hobbies, civic engagement, and other single-y things?
Part of me wants to be with someone, but it's also scary uncovering all of your vulnerabilities and dealing with the kinds of things you don't really fantasize about when missing companionship, everything from method of loading the dishwasher to leaving or not leaving the door open when peeing (a point of contention with many I imagine).
What do you think?
Monday, 19 March 2012
Horoscopes
From what I gathered looking at horoscopes today, Mercury is in retrograde, which means that if you're feeling a little "off" it's probably because Mercury is messing with you--and will be for the next 10 days or so. As George and I were hiking today, I wondered about the kinds of things I could get away with given this new excuse in my Excuse Kit.
Boss: "Kate, you're more than your usual 15 minutes late today."
Me: "Oh, I didn't notice. Mercury is in retrograde."
Roommate: "Kate, you left dirt from those seed trays on the kitchen counter."
Me: "It's Mercury. Did you clean up?"
Classmate: "I'm going to fail this test. Did you study?"
Me: "No, of course not." (no excuse here)
Life's been a series of catching up recently. One would imagine spring break could allow for just a little wiggle room...but that's not how it happened this year. This year I went on a trip with students to do service work in Pennsylvania.
And let's see, prior to that I've been working with more students than I ever have, looking for internship sites (eek, they have to be finalized next Friday and I don't have one yet!), summer job searching, and trying to keep up with other, very important, things (going down the blog rabbit hole, searching for new music, reading glossy magazines, sunning on the roof, painting my toenails--that kind of thing).
Coming through the last couple of months also has brought with it a couple of my worst stress-induced habits, namely poor eating (ie. trail mix and chocolate all. the. time.) and not pushing myself go to yoga because I'm le tired at the end of the day. So, with March almost behind me, and warm weather ahead, I'm gearing up to do Clean again starting April 1 and get into the kitchen to make myself an alternative to cashews, Swedish fish, and chocolate covered gummy bears (yes, of course together! sounds gross. so delicious.). Tonight I made curried vegetables and quinoa:
...A so-so attempt at food photography--but it tasted good! You should try it and not just because it's good for you. Though, I notice an incredible difference in the way I feel and how the world appears when I drop the candy, gluten, and dairy, and put fruits and veg in their place. Granted, I'm addicted to sugar as a general rule (and coffee!) so I have to find a substitute.
One thing I love is banana cream: 1 frozen banana + 1/3 cup almond milk + blender = I have no need for ice cream. You can add some slices of pineapple or try a little cardamom and cinnamon.
Tell me what you think about these recipes! Also, if you happen to use Mercury as an excuse for things, I hope you'll share. (I'm pretty sure if I actually use this one it'll just be par for the course. "The dog ate my socks/underwear" excuse only covers so many times being late for work...)
Boss: "Kate, you're more than your usual 15 minutes late today."
Me: "Oh, I didn't notice. Mercury is in retrograde."
Roommate: "Kate, you left dirt from those seed trays on the kitchen counter."
Me: "It's Mercury. Did you clean up?"
Classmate: "I'm going to fail this test. Did you study?"
Me: "No, of course not." (no excuse here)
Life's been a series of catching up recently. One would imagine spring break could allow for just a little wiggle room...but that's not how it happened this year. This year I went on a trip with students to do service work in Pennsylvania.
(fame in the local tabloid)
And let's see, prior to that I've been working with more students than I ever have, looking for internship sites (eek, they have to be finalized next Friday and I don't have one yet!), summer job searching, and trying to keep up with other, very important, things (going down the blog rabbit hole, searching for new music, reading glossy magazines, sunning on the roof, painting my toenails--that kind of thing).
Coming through the last couple of months also has brought with it a couple of my worst stress-induced habits, namely poor eating (ie. trail mix and chocolate all. the. time.) and not pushing myself go to yoga because I'm le tired at the end of the day. So, with March almost behind me, and warm weather ahead, I'm gearing up to do Clean again starting April 1 and get into the kitchen to make myself an alternative to cashews, Swedish fish, and chocolate covered gummy bears (yes, of course together! sounds gross. so delicious.). Tonight I made curried vegetables and quinoa:
...A so-so attempt at food photography--but it tasted good! You should try it and not just because it's good for you. Though, I notice an incredible difference in the way I feel and how the world appears when I drop the candy, gluten, and dairy, and put fruits and veg in their place. Granted, I'm addicted to sugar as a general rule (and coffee!) so I have to find a substitute.
One thing I love is banana cream: 1 frozen banana + 1/3 cup almond milk + blender = I have no need for ice cream. You can add some slices of pineapple or try a little cardamom and cinnamon.
From theKitchn
Tell me what you think about these recipes! Also, if you happen to use Mercury as an excuse for things, I hope you'll share. (I'm pretty sure if I actually use this one it'll just be par for the course. "The dog ate my socks/underwear" excuse only covers so many times being late for work...)
Friday, 24 February 2012
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
the nice* girl
Throughout most of my life, I've been known as a nice girl. The girl who's generally cheerful and helpful. The kind of girl you'd like your mother to meet so she can see what kind of crowd you hang out with (or at least pretend to). The girl you know your father would like not only because she's attractive but because she's ambitious and can multitask and maybe give you the flack you deserve when you're kidding around (and when you're not).
Being a nice girl has its advantages: you get to meet the parents to the credit of "You're the first girl I've ever let my parents meet." (As if that's not a red flag). You get to take on positions of authority because people believe they can count on you. You're usually handed jobs in customer service or public relations because potential supervisors see you as approachable. And at the very least, if you're pretty and nice, you'll get more tips in a food service job.
The shitty things that come with being a nice girl are how easily people make assumptions about your thoughts or feelings, and perhaps believe you're worth taking advantage of because you're nice and you'll put up with someone's bad behavior. Being nice also implies being moral and right and upstanding and doting, so the slightest provocation of these factors is titillating to others (yes, I said titillating), and makes them feel at liberty to announce and exaggerate what out of the box, not nice thing you've just done--especially as a female.
What's most fascinating about having been labeled a "nice girl" throughout most of my growing up is seeing people now that I haven't seen since the middle of college and wondering if their image of me and my image of them is the same as it always was. A couple of times recently, I found myself catching up with people who knew me five or six years ago when I still had short hair, was very much finding my confidence, had a solid record of good girl grades and volunteer service hours, and was trying to break out of being so goddamned nice. When I talk to people now, I still recognize that twinge of the Nice Girl Complex (ie. I don't want to be that person you think I am!), but I know that I'm different than I was even last year let alone six years ago and so are they. The experiences I've had, my ambitions, my vision of myself and how I want to be--all of those have blossomed into what I only saw beginning to flourish at 19 or 20--and there's still an undercurrent of niceness.
So, here's what I think I'm really getting at: just because I'm not terribly fond of being the nice girl, the bottom line is that I think it's an inherent trait that's coupled with some other not so nice personality factors. I know myself and when to express these parts without faking some false confidence or building up my ego in an attempt to hide insecurity. I'm also vulnerable. And I don't think you can live a very authentic life without a smidgen of vulnerability and showing others the kind of gratitude and kindness that suggest being "nice." Why would I want to surround myself with people who are stunted by their fear of taking responsibility for their feelings and extending themselves to others? I wouldn't. So I won't be that way.
I'm going to start reading A Year of Living Consciously by Gay Hendricks as soon as I get it in the mail. A lot of this book's content weaves into what I'm talking about, and I hope it will help me continue exploring what it means to be who I am and what I want to become. Maybe you'll read it too and we can talk about it.
*nice is just about the most trite, overused word I've ever heard and I just text vomited it here for you about twenty times. You're welcome.
Being a nice girl has its advantages: you get to meet the parents to the credit of "You're the first girl I've ever let my parents meet." (As if that's not a red flag). You get to take on positions of authority because people believe they can count on you. You're usually handed jobs in customer service or public relations because potential supervisors see you as approachable. And at the very least, if you're pretty and nice, you'll get more tips in a food service job.
The shitty things that come with being a nice girl are how easily people make assumptions about your thoughts or feelings, and perhaps believe you're worth taking advantage of because you're nice and you'll put up with someone's bad behavior. Being nice also implies being moral and right and upstanding and doting, so the slightest provocation of these factors is titillating to others (yes, I said titillating), and makes them feel at liberty to announce and exaggerate what out of the box, not nice thing you've just done--especially as a female.
What's most fascinating about having been labeled a "nice girl" throughout most of my growing up is seeing people now that I haven't seen since the middle of college and wondering if their image of me and my image of them is the same as it always was. A couple of times recently, I found myself catching up with people who knew me five or six years ago when I still had short hair, was very much finding my confidence, had a solid record of good girl grades and volunteer service hours, and was trying to break out of being so goddamned nice. When I talk to people now, I still recognize that twinge of the Nice Girl Complex (ie. I don't want to be that person you think I am!), but I know that I'm different than I was even last year let alone six years ago and so are they. The experiences I've had, my ambitions, my vision of myself and how I want to be--all of those have blossomed into what I only saw beginning to flourish at 19 or 20--and there's still an undercurrent of niceness.
So, here's what I think I'm really getting at: just because I'm not terribly fond of being the nice girl, the bottom line is that I think it's an inherent trait that's coupled with some other not so nice personality factors. I know myself and when to express these parts without faking some false confidence or building up my ego in an attempt to hide insecurity. I'm also vulnerable. And I don't think you can live a very authentic life without a smidgen of vulnerability and showing others the kind of gratitude and kindness that suggest being "nice." Why would I want to surround myself with people who are stunted by their fear of taking responsibility for their feelings and extending themselves to others? I wouldn't. So I won't be that way.
I'm going to start reading A Year of Living Consciously by Gay Hendricks as soon as I get it in the mail. A lot of this book's content weaves into what I'm talking about, and I hope it will help me continue exploring what it means to be who I am and what I want to become. Maybe you'll read it too and we can talk about it.
*nice is just about the most trite, overused word I've ever heard and I just text vomited it here for you about twenty times. You're welcome.
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Blog Finds
Here's a look at what I found today:
Au coin de ma rue - the author of this blog talks to people (literally "at the corner of [her] street") about their lives
Cute Overload - you've probably seen this, but who doesn't like baby animal pictures?!
These are so sweet. What a hip family.
An illustrated diary
Fictional places you can visit in real life
What do you think? Have any more to share?
(thanks to Shoko at sho & tell for the fun links!)
Au coin de ma rue - the author of this blog talks to people (literally "at the corner of [her] street") about their lives
Cute Overload - you've probably seen this, but who doesn't like baby animal pictures?!
These are so sweet. What a hip family.
An illustrated diary
Fictional places you can visit in real life
What do you think? Have any more to share?
(thanks to Shoko at sho & tell for the fun links!)
Monday, 13 February 2012
love/hate
february and i have a love/hate relationship. funny, for a month that prides itself on the cozy snuggling up of valentines day and love in the coldest of winter months. i love/hate february because, inevitably, every year, i'm bound to a month of looking both outside and in.
what i mean is, for starters (on the outside), it's finally gotten cold in NC, so i've resorted to the electric blanket and wearing my parka around the house. (electric blanket = best gift ever). cold makes me achy and nostalgic, ready for hibernation and ten chocolate bars a day. and cheese. and things i'd rather do without at any other time. there's also this feeling that creeps in and stays heavy in my shoulders for a good six weeks--cold in my bones and submission, withering to the weather over which i have no control.
inside. that's another story. this past weekend was spent on mostly introverted endeavors, pondering the meaning of life, etc., etc. (folks, i watched Beaches--the one with Bette Midler--for crying out loud!). i guess i was feeling slightly miffed about things and the fact that my life seems slightly less than my own. and then here i am single and longing for overflowing, drunk-in-over-my-head L.O.V.E. that makes wearing a silk chemise to bed (knowing someone who makes me feel that way is using that otherwise cold second pillow) so much more rewarding. and, you know, at some point all the yoga in the world isn't going to make that feeling go away.
(besides that) i had the chance to go to dinner with Gram (one of the most vibrant people i know who also happens to be my grandmother) and she gave me relationship advice--and y'all she's like the oracle. she reminded me of where i was in my life. she encouraged me. she was real--not just my grandma, but an ally in my experience. sitting there with her, i was just reminded of and so grateful for the strong women in my family who have influenced my own womanhood.
sunday, i went to celebrate my uncle's birthday, which was wonderful and poignant at the same time. he reminds me of my dad so much, and i know he can't help but think about his brother when he sees my sister or me. and then, there was cake and celebration and laughing and more family and love--so much love being with them all.
the conclusion: the past few days refocused how in control and totally out of control of my life i am. for one, i can't control the weather and how the bitter wind freezes my laundry to the porch rails. i can't control the fact that my dad isn't around to celebrate his brother's birthday with our family. and i just about can't control the overwhelming, bursting feeling i get when i think about how much love i feel for the people in my life. (i don't even know if this string of thoughts is making any sense at all). there's this whole school of thought that posits how it's not the being in control of events but the management of your reactions to them that determines how you'll fare through change. perls called it logotherapy. buddha emphasized non-attachment. and then there's philosophy even going back to Epictetus who said, "men are not disturbed by things but of the view which they take of them."
so here i am, hating and loving this month as i confront all of the circumstances of my life right now, hating to deal with cold and nostalgia and longing, and loving the upwelling of feeling and richness these circumstances give to my experience. it's time to stop grasping so much, for the letting go to get a little more serious, and let it be.
by the way, here's my new favorite love song. i hope you like it because i do a lot.
what i mean is, for starters (on the outside), it's finally gotten cold in NC, so i've resorted to the electric blanket and wearing my parka around the house. (electric blanket = best gift ever). cold makes me achy and nostalgic, ready for hibernation and ten chocolate bars a day. and cheese. and things i'd rather do without at any other time. there's also this feeling that creeps in and stays heavy in my shoulders for a good six weeks--cold in my bones and submission, withering to the weather over which i have no control.
inside. that's another story. this past weekend was spent on mostly introverted endeavors, pondering the meaning of life, etc., etc. (folks, i watched Beaches--the one with Bette Midler--for crying out loud!). i guess i was feeling slightly miffed about things and the fact that my life seems slightly less than my own. and then here i am single and longing for overflowing, drunk-in-over-my-head L.O.V.E. that makes wearing a silk chemise to bed (knowing someone who makes me feel that way is using that otherwise cold second pillow) so much more rewarding. and, you know, at some point all the yoga in the world isn't going to make that feeling go away.
(besides that) i had the chance to go to dinner with Gram (one of the most vibrant people i know who also happens to be my grandmother) and she gave me relationship advice--and y'all she's like the oracle. she reminded me of where i was in my life. she encouraged me. she was real--not just my grandma, but an ally in my experience. sitting there with her, i was just reminded of and so grateful for the strong women in my family who have influenced my own womanhood.
sunday, i went to celebrate my uncle's birthday, which was wonderful and poignant at the same time. he reminds me of my dad so much, and i know he can't help but think about his brother when he sees my sister or me. and then, there was cake and celebration and laughing and more family and love--so much love being with them all.
the conclusion: the past few days refocused how in control and totally out of control of my life i am. for one, i can't control the weather and how the bitter wind freezes my laundry to the porch rails. i can't control the fact that my dad isn't around to celebrate his brother's birthday with our family. and i just about can't control the overwhelming, bursting feeling i get when i think about how much love i feel for the people in my life. (i don't even know if this string of thoughts is making any sense at all). there's this whole school of thought that posits how it's not the being in control of events but the management of your reactions to them that determines how you'll fare through change. perls called it logotherapy. buddha emphasized non-attachment. and then there's philosophy even going back to Epictetus who said, "men are not disturbed by things but of the view which they take of them."
so here i am, hating and loving this month as i confront all of the circumstances of my life right now, hating to deal with cold and nostalgia and longing, and loving the upwelling of feeling and richness these circumstances give to my experience. it's time to stop grasping so much, for the letting go to get a little more serious, and let it be.
by the way, here's my new favorite love song. i hope you like it because i do a lot.
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Happy Tuesday!
We're starting the day off right. First, a change in attitude. There was much sighing and harumphing this morning at the early crack of dawn wake up hour and a lot of "I hate students" rumination before finally taking the first gulps of burning-oh my god, burning-coffee and realizing that I needed to stop being such a complainer. Thank you, Seattle's Best cinnamon flavor for reminding me to get it together.
One thing that I didn't have totally under control (and am still learning how to navigate) is the riding a bike in a pencil skirt technique. I'm not even sure if one is supposed to bike in a pencil skirt. But if it'll shave eight minutes from my commute and save me from being late to work, I'll do it! (Better not use that excuse for anything else). ...There's actually been some crazy news about this sort of thing.
And finally:
A good ad for permaculture and other stuff.
Friday, 13 January 2012
oh, hello
it's friday afternoon and i'm here at my assistantship with about five minutes of down time. so i'm reading blogs of course. part of reading other people's blogs is inspiring, leading me to think i'd like to update so so much of my site in order to make it a little more...something. it needs something. but not whatever a lot of people have: ads on the sides, photoshopped layouts of outfits and jewelry, or the word gams. really? gams? as in "OMG gotta love those rainbow colored gams for winter!"
anyway, i'm in planning mode. as in seriously turning my vision of moving to new york into a plan. i can't disclose further details yet because there are some logistical things i have to figure out with my professional trajectory before i hammer out the fun things like what neighborhood i'm going to live in or which yoga studio i'll go to in my spare time. (though those are the things i'm really looking forward to).
right now, i'm really working on developing my professional portfolio: master's, educational specialist degree (?), licensure, national certification, comprehensive exams, a five year and ten year plan. yeah, like, big girl stuff. and instead of being intimidated by all of it like i might have been three years (or even three months) ago, i'm finding a sense of empowerment by tackling these components one piece at a time.
today, i also saw my first two clients of the semester. unlike last term, during which i was incredibly undermotivated and underprepared (hello, senioritis), i was more than prepared, focused, and enjoyed meeting my students. i'm taking that as a sign i'm ready for my career. hello, adulthood.
anyway, i'm in planning mode. as in seriously turning my vision of moving to new york into a plan. i can't disclose further details yet because there are some logistical things i have to figure out with my professional trajectory before i hammer out the fun things like what neighborhood i'm going to live in or which yoga studio i'll go to in my spare time. (though those are the things i'm really looking forward to).
right now, i'm really working on developing my professional portfolio: master's, educational specialist degree (?), licensure, national certification, comprehensive exams, a five year and ten year plan. yeah, like, big girl stuff. and instead of being intimidated by all of it like i might have been three years (or even three months) ago, i'm finding a sense of empowerment by tackling these components one piece at a time.
today, i also saw my first two clients of the semester. unlike last term, during which i was incredibly undermotivated and underprepared (hello, senioritis), i was more than prepared, focused, and enjoyed meeting my students. i'm taking that as a sign i'm ready for my career. hello, adulthood.
Friday, 6 January 2012
a visual of my visit to nyc
planning my move...even if it's cold up there.
I feel a Raleigh ladies migration north if only so we can have a house in Costa Rica for our winter escape.
I feel a Raleigh ladies migration north if only so we can have a house in Costa Rica for our winter escape.
also, I'm a little obsessed with instagram...can ya tell?
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