Home Alone

I found this image on one of my favorite blogs, A Cup of Jo.  Pretty sure I'm a cliche...like, one of those girls that says, "My dream is to go on a cross country road trip with my dog" only to have her boyfriend say he's heard that line a billion times.  Yes, that happened.  Whatever.  All I know is 1) I want to do that and 2) I'm guilty of three or four things on this list (minus the cat (weird) and Zumba (double weird)).

Seriously, yoga in your underwear in the living room is the best.  Chocolate in the morning is a balanced breakfast (my mom told me so and she's a nurse).

We interrupt your day...

for a bit of existentialism.

B and I email back and forth during the week.  Sometimes funny stuff, sometimes research-y articles, sometimes cool, design-related things.  I just noticed that for the past few weeks I've been sending him a lot of existential articles about things like anxiety and death.  Obviously, grief over leaving a job in grief work is coming out in my email habits (which makes me laugh about how real/absurd/normal/crazy that is).

So, instead of emailing B these links, I'm going to take a break from subjecting him to my sad, nutty world of internal processing and share it with you instead.  You lucky, lucky dog.

First, this act of This American Life made me sob (I mean, heaving, "What the fuck?!" sobs that actually felt really good).

Second, if you're feeling anxious, here's a little something to put it all in perspective.

Third, an article that I did, in fact, send B.  I've tried using this trick a few times and it is really helpful.  

What I'm Listening To

"Graceland" by Paul Simon--not the single... the whole damn album.  Loved it for a long time.  Lots of reasons why...cultural, political, musical... Plus, we share a birth year.  And who can forget Chevy Chase in "You Can Call Me Al"?

Here's the full album.

If you're into "research" (especially these legit links) about the album, check it out:
Wikipedia (duh)
The Guardian from 2012
Someone's dissertation (Thanks Jonathan Greer!)
NPR's "All Songs Considered"

Mala update

65 days into my 108-day yoga mala.  How's it going?  Hard.  But not in the "go hard" sense.  More like mental gymnastics.  Getting to yoga class is sometimes difficult because of my work schedule or because I already taught and don't feel like going back to the studio after working and teaching.  And physically, taking the class isn't an issue.  The toughest thing has been convincing myself that I'm still doing yoga AND doing my best if I do a 5 minute home practice.  

I came at this challenge with simple guidelines: "It doesn't have to be pretty.  I don't have to do yoga for a set amount of time.  I just need to get to class or do a home practice once a day until May 15, 2014."

Well, overall, I've managed to do yoga at least 5 times a week.  Pretty good, right?  There's just this little annoying part of me that says "You're not doing it right and pushing hard enough!" that makes me feel kind of anxious about not reaching my goal.  Like, it's all a wash if I don't take a balls to the wall yoga class every day for 108 days.  Or, 5 minutes doesn't really count as yoga, so I may as well not do anything at all.  Or, even more self-sabotaging, if I can't tell other people that I did this challenge the hard way, and get their gold star of approval, then I failed.  Hellllooooo Perfectionism.  

So, I put on my counselor hat and asked, "What would I tell a client who might be in this position? What imaginative strategies might give me the key to unlocking some of this bullshit?" 

1) Acknowledge Perfectionism--understand some of that self-sabotaging thought

2) Go with the simple guidelines and accept the fact that it makes me feel uncomfortable to feel like I'm taking the easy way out

3) Maybe even expand or change the guidelines so that I can include teaching as part of "doing" yoga--It's my damn challenge; I do what I want.  If it makes me anxious to "miss" classes because I'm feeling stretched and need a break, then TAKE A BREAK and include your time already spent in the studio!

It just so happens that I'm reading Brene Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection, at the same time as this challenge.  Letting go of that Perfectionism is going to be a good practice in the midst of this transition to Raleigh--something I'm doing for me just like this mala.  With 43 days left to go, I'm going to try giving myself a little grace.